Skydiving and Fear

This isn’t my first post about skydiving and it certainly won’t be my last. This past weekend I learned how to pack my own parachute, and then skydived with it. For a seasoned professional, that’s an everyday thing and isn’t a big deal. Let’s really think about that for a second though, because for me, having only just learned, I was potentially betting my own life on having done it correctly (potentially because I did have a reserve parachute). But on the other hand, I risk my life everytime I jump, and at this point, I don’t fear regular jumps. So why was this time so intensely nerve wracking and scary in comparison, and was the extra fear warranted?

The impulsive answer is ‘YES’! That’s because we all have a built-in sense of self-preservation. So obviously it must have been warranted right? Not necessarily. Earlier today, I was browsing Reddit on the SkyDiving Subreddit when I found a thread about a newcomer to skydiving, dight, who was having issues dealing with the stress and fear he was feeling during his AFF course (the program you have to go through to get your solo license). Someone responded by recommending he listen to an interview with Brian Germain on the Jump Twenty Six podcast (which you can listen to here by going to about 55 minutes into the podcast). The content of this interview discusses fear and the rationality of those fears - when to face them, and when to listen to them. Here is the response that dight had after listening to some of the interview:

Just listened to about 20 mins of the podcast and skipped to when the author started talking about fear when skydiving, its just what i needed to hear. The drive to the airfield is an hour and a half so im just gonna stick the podcast on and listen to it the whole way there, so glad you showed me that.

After having listened to the interview, I have to agree with the content of the interview completely. During the interview, Brian Germain mentions that while your emotions, and physical reactions to fears may be important, you should always analyze them objectively. For example, he references doing a hypothetical situation of doing a night jump, with a borrowed parachute after realizing that a ‘brownie’ you consumed was a little more than normal. In this case, analyzing it objectively, that is a stupid decision that could very likely result in injury, if not death. Your fears would be warranted. However, if you were doing a night jump, with your own gear, sober, then there might be a good chance your fears are emotional and that by doing the jump, you’ll be fine. The difference between these two situations is that in the second case, you’ve controlled your circumstances as best as possible, and you’ve accounted for and minimized the risk of your jump. It’s not that doing the night jump was stupid, it’s that doing the night jump under those circumstances was stupid.

Going back to packing my own parachute for this weekend, and analyzing things objectively, I realize that my fear about those first few jumps wasn’t necessary. Here are the steps I went through before jumping my own pack job:

• An instructor had very carefully taught me the correct way of packing my parachute
• I practiced packing for 3 hours, asking questions regularly
• I had someone specifically monitor me while packing the parachute for the final time right before jumping
• I was doing a coach jump, which meant that if something went wrong, or I froze up, she could bail me out
• The process for packing is designed to provide as many ways as possible for the parachute to open from the moment that the pilot chute is deployed
• Many pack jobs that are done MUCH worse, and much quicker result in the parachute opening fine (if only a little hard)
• I still had a reserve parachute

Looking back on things, I had nothing to worry about. It’s not that I don’t fear skydiving, because that would be extremely cocky and foolish. After this weekend, and after listening to that interview, it’s moreso that I am able to face those fears by accounting for as many of the variables and risks as I can, and then making an objective decision on whether it those fears are well founded.

Self-preservation is a funny thing. It’s goal is to ensure that we don’t die, but as was stated in the podcast and as William Wallace once said

Every man dies, not every man really lives.